The fact that I would have a new human being in my house, who would be staying with me forever, was really magical and weird at the same time. It was all new for me. I had no manual of ‘how to be a mom’ and I guess there is no manual or a book for it. You learn and grow everyday and the same was happening with me. To be extremely honest, even my motherly extinct was not that strong or I should say the bonding had only started to happen.
Within a few weeks of staying with ‘Mishka,’ I realised some of the new things about myself, my life , my skills and also about people around me. I realised a few of my strengths which I never knew existed. The fact that I was a mother wasn’t sinking in. I was just feeling more responsible with the fact that the little baby is totally dependent on me for everything. I wasn’t even confident in holding her because she was so tiny. But, MOM ‘Master Of Multitasking’ worked for me and I handled things quite well.
Few things which I want to focus on:
SLEEP – Or I should say ‘NO SLEEP’. There was no sleep pattern happening in our house. Yes, the baby was supposed to be fed after every 2 hours including the nights. I had no experience of it. I used to feel tired all the time. Getting up after every 2 hours to feed the baby, changing diapers, entertaining the baby etc. and by the time I was able to go back to sleep, the baby used to be up again. In short, I was a sleep deprived zombie. All those, who were giving me advices of taking a short nap along with the baby every time, was just not helping me because it is easier said than done and moreover when you are just not a nap person.
CONFUSED STATE – Mine was very much one. With all the advice flowing in from here and there I used to feel completely lost. Whether to make your baby sleep on your chest, whether to feed her every time she is crying, how long the burping sessions to go on, how much pressure to put in while giving her massage etc etc. And when it used to come to me the advices were just endless. I am sure all of them were coming from experiences. But, hell no, my mind was just not accepting the fact that I was a mother. How do you even want me to take all this ?
BREASTFEEDING – The most important and talked about thing. I will surely write a complete blog on it as I have lots to share. But to cut it short I had a difficult time.
PATIENCE – The key to everything – I have been a patient person, but not much. I sometimes want things to happen my way and that too at a fast pace. But being a new mother my limits were pushed every day and on all the instances. When ‘Mishka’ used to cry despite feeding her and changing her diaper I used to be in a mess. I had no idea how to calm her down and make her quiet. But, patience was helping me every single second. I think now I am a MASTER of it.
CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT – My whole world was upside down, life took a complete change. For good, but that time if somebody would ask me , my answer was a No. I wasn’t able to eat what I liked, the whole attention was given to the baby, the whole world was revolving around her, every second person used to ask me about her. Sometimes I even felt unwanted.
Mishka was not the only one who used to cry – The statement that strong people do not cry doesn’t work for me. I used to vent out everything I had inside me by crying and still do. I don’t know if I was not able to make anyone understand what was going inside me. I guess most of the mothers feel that way. Despite Karan(my husband) helping me on most of the occasions I still wasn’t able to share my thoughts with him. I used to cry and sob like a baby. But I guess that is absolutely fine.
Bodily Changes – The utmost important thing for anyone. Trust me, when I say natural delivery is far better than a C- Sec. I wasn’t able to wear anything but my yoga pants post pregnancy. They were like my best friend. I used to feel the most comfortable in them. My body fat used to bulge out from everywhere and I couldn’t exercise and diet for obvious reasons. But, so what, I was a new mommy. I accepted it as a temporary phase and tried my best to move on with it.
Postpartum Depressions are considered to be very normal after delivery and there are various reasons for loneliness, bodily changes, isolation in the house, doing stuff which you never have done before etc. but you need to be strong and stable. You need to constantly keep reminding yourself that this shall pass too and it does. Trust me.
