Before I start telling my journey of breastfeeding ‘Mishka’ let me tell you all that, I am a strong believer that every mother has her own journey with her child which is UNIQUE. We all are different and our journeys too. This one was too emotional for me and physically exhausting too.
While I was carrying ‘Mishka’ inside me, I used to think that I would breastfeed her at least for a year. Whenever I would see any mother breastfeeding her child that made me feel emotional and responsible. I’ve heard that a mother’s milk is the best for a child because of nutrition, building immunity and mother-child bonding etc. The only thing which used to make me wonder was why couldn’t people around a breastfeeding mother act normal ? Is it a taboo ? I am a firm supporter of #letmebreastfeed, let the mother feed her child calmly and happily because that is the most amazing time for them. I used to dream about holding my baby, rocking him/her in my arms and looking at him/her while feeding with a sense of satisfaction.
But, actually what happened was totally different. My breastfeeding journey might be similar to most of the mothers. And I am sharing mine just to remind all the new mothers that there is no right or wrong when it comes to breastfeed. As I said above you and your baby are unique. Whatever works for you and your baby is THE BEST.
When I was in the hospital my nurses helped me and taught me very nicely how to feed her and as per them both of us were doing good, in the sense that ‘Mishka’ was able to take the feed properly. Till the time I was in the hospital I didn’t face any issue feeding her because the nurses used to be by my side.
The actual journey started when I came back home. At first I wasn’t able to hold her properly while feeding. The angle which needs to be maintained was never correct in my case. I used to struggle doing that, and somehow I could sense that we both were just not comfortable. But I kept trying till I obtained the right way(but is there any right way ?); the actual way is when you and your baby both are at comfort. All the advices of having ajwain seed water, nuts, nutrition food etc for the milk supply started coming in. I kept having everything that was told. I used to feed her after every two hours as required and advised but still I wasn’t satisfied after feeding her. I could sense the same from ‘Mishka’s’ side too.
After a few days I realised that the supply was not that enough for her and also that she isn’t able to latch properly. My mind always thought about this. I used to watch videos on how to breastfeed your baby, how to hold her while feeding etc for hours and hours. I basically tried each and everything to make sure that I fed her properly. I met lactation consultants, tried their sessions but still I wasn’t satisfied.
I kept trying to breastfeed her because I felt a pressure to continue. I think the pressure was both Internal and External. Internal because I wanted to be a mom who is strong and could do anything for her child. External because I used to continuously get advices (mostly from the family members) that you must breastfeed her at least for a year, bottle is not good for the baby, baby is crying she must be hungry, mothers milk is the best milk, the baby sleeps when she is given direct breast milk and endless ones.
One day “Mishka’ threw up badly after having fed and that was the moment for me. At that point I realised that she needs to be fed properly. Now whether it is breast milk, or pumped or formula doesn’t matter. I realised why I used to be so restless while feeding her. I used to be in immense pain. And all these internal and external pressures are of no use if I and my baby aren’t happy. Despite doing everything she was not comfortable. So I started pumping more and breastfeeding less. Despite having attached to the pump almost all the time, no free time to rest, getting up in the middle of the night to pump and the pain, still the supply was not sufficient for her. Because of all this my mind was never at rest. I was just not able to gather the peace and I was losing it completely.
Till I read an article on Happy mothers raising happy kids. I then thought that it is best to breastfeed as long as it makes both of us happy. I gave myself the permission to choose. I took a step for myself and made a choice of putting her on formula. I felt so relaxed after taking that decision. I breastfed her along with the formula for 5 months and after that she was totally on formula milk. Mishka and I were the happiest then. It felt as if the pressure was off and we could actually enjoy each other’s time.
In this entire journey I got loads of advices and judgements coming from women and men both. Yes men as well. The judgements were amazing. I would really like to mention a few : Every time the baby is crying he/ she is hungry. REALLY YYY ?????? The mom and child develop the bond only during this time – so that means all those 9 months were wasted ? Child’s immunity and nutrition is only and only through the mother’s milk – so all the mothers who face problems while breastfeeding should get into guilt of not giving nutrition to their kids ?
Judging a parent is the simplest thing we can do. Every parent wants their child to be the most happy and healthy one. They try and put in all the efforts to provide best to their baby. Let them be in that space, let them be happy and spend the most time with their baby. If they can produce, they can very well take care of the child.
So all the new moms and the moms-to-be just relax, whatever choice you make and will make for your child is the best (I got this one from my SIL). Only you know what goes inside your heart and mind. So give yourself a chance to make a choice and stay happy. I hope this read gives someone the permission they need to hear and make a choice.
HAPPY MOTHERS RAISE HAPPY KIDS.
